Relationship Self Help - Simple Relationship Tips

Believe it or not there are some very simple relationship self help techniques that you can apply to your relationship to regain some of the closeness you once felt for each other. It is really too bad that day to day challenges get in the way of the love you have for each other and put it all on the back burner.

If things do not get switched to the front burner every now and then it seems as if they almost get forgotten and then the harder it is to remember where to find them again. It is as if you went from not being able to keep your hands off of each other in the beginning to rarely ever touching each other after five years.

To keep a relationship alive, touching is very important. It shows the other that even though there are a million and three things that need to be dealt with, you are trying to stay connected, even in some small way.

Hold hands wherever you go, walking down the street, riding in the car, sitting and watching TV together, whatever. Also, reach out and touch your partner even as you just walk by them. This will make them feel loved and let them know you care.

Did you know that research shows that if you talk to your partner about anything and everything throughout your relationship it is less likely that either one of you will explode over something huge. Know why? Because if the lines of communication are open for the little things, then they will stay open for the bigger things that come along. Learning to communicate effectively is the single most important relationship self help technique you can do to improve or maintain your relationship.

Another technique you can use is to try to remember the things you like and love about your partner. Stop focusing on the things that annoy you and turn your attention back to the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Those little annoyances creep in and soon become big annoyances and then they just seem to take over and dwarf everything else that really counts in your relationship.

Last, but not least, do you spend all your time together or not enough time together? Either way can be damaging to a relationship. Too much time together can cause those little annoyances we talked about to rear their ugly heads a lot sooner and also encourage boredom. Think about it, if you are spending every waking moment together you will end up not having a single thing to talk about. So, spend some time away from each other every once in a while. Miss each other. You will come back to the relationship with a new appreciation for your partner, not to mention maybe a good story or two to share.

Relationships: The Healing Power Of Relationships

Whether it is relationships with friends, acquaintances or spousal for example; they all have the potential for healing and consequently growth to occur.

Opportunities are presented for one to integrate and process those parts that lay dormant; that are waiting to be realised. We are also given the chance to heal or let go of those parts that are negative or dysfunctional.

Happiness, Suffering And Pain

This also means that relationships have the power to create not only incredible happiness; but also unbelievable amounts of suffering and pain.

Relationships

The reason relationships have the potential for both happiness and pain is because they are triggering and reminding us of our past.

A past that likely had numerous traumatic encounters, needs that were ignored and neglected and moments of rejection and abandonment.

This is something that is unavoidable; our caregivers were only human after all. However the degree to which these things happened, the intensity and how they were interpreted during ones younger years is what will define present day challenges.

Repression And Dissociation

These childhood experiences that were stressful and overwhelming had to be dealt with somehow to ensure survival. With the brains ability to question not being developed at this stage; the ego mind had to protect and deal with them, with repression and dissociation often being the defences of choice.

Self Blame

During the years when we are completely dependent on our caregivers, we idealise them and make them into god like figures.

To see them in any other way would create high levels of stress and uncertainty around ones survival. This causes the child to blame themselves for any inadequacy the parent might have or wrongdoing that has been carried out.

This could be called a defence mechanism, as it helps to ensure survival. However, if it's not looked at or questioned later on in life, there can be the tendency to carry on blaming oneself for everything that happens; taking on an inordinate amount of responsibility.

Pain

Through repression and dissociation and after many years have passed, these old traumatic experiences will start to re-emerge. These will likely appear externally as the same or similar behaviours, environments and relationships and internally as the same feelings, thoughts and sensations that were experienced during those years.

Happiness

When we experience happiness in a relationship we are potentially reliving those lost moments of our childhood or being treated in ways that are the complete opposite of how we were treated during our childhood.

People We Despise

Part of what creates pain in relationships is behaviours that create tension, frustration and anger. These can cause one to despise the other person or people. What one comes to despise in another is often what they have come to identify with themselves and repressed; it is then completely out of their awareness,

However it is often a behaviour that is experienced a lot and something that causes a strong reaction. Perhaps this was a behaviour that they were exposed to during their younger years on numerous occasions. And through the self blame, have come to identify with the behaviour; making it personal, which then continues to draw in experiences that mirror the past.

People We Admire

What makes up the feeling of happiness in relationships is often admiration towards the people in our life. This is often experienced when we have projected those parts, yet to be realised, onto another. These are parts that exist within us, traits and abilities that have been neglected and denied. These aspects are waiting to be embraced and acknowledged.

Perhaps it wasn't safe for us to express them during those years. It might have also been the result of criticism from our caregivers, leading us to believe we don't have what it takes to be those things our self.

On the larger scale admiration can also become a form worship and obsession. Something that is common in today's culture with celebrities, musicians and sports stars.

How Long Will It Last?

When it comes to the early stages of the happiness, admiration and even idealisation that is experienced in a relationship; it's only a matter of time before cracks will start to appear and a more balanced perspective is revealed. As to how long this will be, depends upon many different factors.

How the relationship develops and how conscious and aware one is, will naturally influence how long it lasts for.

Seeing In Absolutes

The mind works in absolutes and likes to see everything in black or white; seeing someone as perfect is a normal consequence of the mind and an unmonitored mind will not suspect this.

Different processes will be utilized, to block out anything that goes against the minds tendency of only seeing in absolutes; which can help to keep the illusion of perfection alive. These can cause one to deny, dismiss and edit anything that goes against it.

It is said that chemicals are released in the brain during the early stages of an intimate relationship, of which the effects are the equivalent of being stoned.

Once Its Over

Once this stage or phase has come to pass and balance is restored, one will likely start to see behaviours and characteristics that create pain.

What has been repressed and pushed out of conscious awareness will appear once more, with the hope of being acknowledged; so that it can be processed and integration can be achieved.

The Healing Power Of Relationships

Whether it is through being around people who make us feel good or through people who have the opposite effect, they are both giving us valuable feedback.

The people who press our buttons or who we despise are showing what we are still holding onto. The memories and effects that they produce are still stuck in our mind and body. Patterns and situations are then created that reflect the past and situations are continually interpreted as if they were the same.

Conscious Relationships

This shows the importance and value of having relationships that allow one to be open and honest; where one can feel safe and supported. People who have this kind of relationship or who have experienced it will undoubtedly feel a deep sense of gratitude.

It might be the kind of relationship that is only possible with a therapist at first and through the work of processing and working on ones history; starts to spread into other relationships.

Being around people who can mirror and support us is extremely important. This assists in our healing process and in the realisation that it can be different. We can also internalize there ways or behaving and responding to us, thereby transforming our own self image and changing our inner models.

However, even in a conscious relationship there will be moments and occasions where reactive behaviours appear. We are only human after all and are not perfect. We all have defences that are in place to keep us safe. And they will stay there until our awareness and perception around them changes.

 

Relationships 101 - How to Save Your Relationship

Did you know that most relationships can be saved, no matter how hard the breakup was? There are cases when people shouldn't try to save their relationships, like when there is an abusive partner. But most cases have the potential to be fixed, and you already have the skills to save your relationship.

The main problem is that people usually give up too soon. People get angry or upset after a breakup and lose sight of what happened in the past. Look back in time....if you were having a good relationship at one point, it is very possible that you can bring it to be that way again. You have to decide if your relationship really is worth saving.

To cause even more problems, sometimes one person is ready to work hard at saving the relationship, but the other person can't look past the bad to remember the good times. And is it enough for just one person to work at the relationship?

It is possible, but not easy.

It's hard to stay optimistic when your ex isn't willing to work with you at all at trying to fix the problems. It might seem like you are fighting a losing battle.

Here's an important tip though: you have to keep working at it!

Even if the relationship doesn't heal, it will make you a better person. But if you keep working at it, then you have a good chance of getting back together. You can't just give up the moment things start to look bad.

It's important to remember the way you behaved at the start of your old relationship and compare that to how you are behaving now. Try to adjust your behavior so you are acting the way you used to when the relationship was still in good shape. Be thoughtful and be a good friend and work things out nicely instead of begging your ex to come back.